Raising Teens: Save your Energy for Crucial Confrontations
Posted: May 19, 2008One of the most delicate aspects of raising a teenager is figuring out what is worth a show down and what is not.
I remember talking to a waitress, a single monther, in a resturant a few years ago. When she found out I was a psychologist, she began telling me about her 12 years old daughter. ” We have fought tooth and nail for an entire year,” she said. ” It has been awful ! We go at it every night- usually over the same issue.” “What is that ? ” I asked. ” Well, she is still a little girl, but she wants to shave her legs. And I feel she is too young, but she gets so angry she would not even talk to me.”
I looked her in the eye and said” Go buy your daughter a shaver.” That 12 year old girl was paddling into a time of life that would rock her river good and hard.
As a single parent, her mother would soon be trying to keep this rebellious teenager from getting into drigs, alcohol, smoking, sex and pregnancy. Truly, there would be many ravenous alligators in her river within a year or two. In that setting, it seemed unwise to make a big deal over what was essentially a non-issue.
I have seen other parents fight similar battles over what were really inconsequential issues. I urge you not to damage your friendship with your children over behaviour that has no great moral significance. There will be plenty of real issues that require you to stand like a rock. Save your energy for those crucial confrontations.
