Parents’ Strategies to Keep the Home Fires Burning Year-Round

By Joy Lawrance

Valentine’s Day is sure to bring special treats … chocolate, roses or maybe some sparkly bling. Perhaps there will be a fancy card, enticing lingerie or dinner at a special restaurant. Such expressions of love keep the spark ignited, but couples shouldn’t let it stop with Feb. 14.

Most couples agree that keeping the spark alive throughout the year is not only important, but take your relationship to a deeper and more meaningful level. Everyone knows about the challenges facing young parents today. Chances are you’ve got long work days - after which you ferry your little darlings to soccer practice, or a scout meeting, or a dance lesson. And that’s just on Monday. What things can you do to make sure your partner knows you really care? You’re probably doing some of them already, but here’s a look at some possibilities - straight from other moms and dads in the trenches of modern parenting.

Simple things are important.

How simple? Small acts can say a lot about caring, nurturing and giving, says Nancy Yackel. “One of the romantic things my husband does for me,” she says, “is to bring me coffee every morning.”

Coffee works for Teri Kennedy, too. “We enjoy, when we can, having coffee together - whether it’s just a latté at home or a Starbucks trip,” she says. Krista Rudloff shows her affection by making a cup of hot chocolate for her husband after he comes in from shoveling the driveway.

“Sending a text message that simply says ‘I love you’” is another simple way to express caring, says Kim Merkel, who notes that she enjoys getting a midmorning phone call from her husband suggesting they have lunch together. Merkel adds that it’s special to let your spouse sleep in on a weekend, and then wake him or her with a hot cup of coffee, “preferably a Starbucks that they had to go get!”

Julie Noonan points out that her husband fills her car with gas and gets it cleaned and vacuumed on the weekend. Other simple gestures of affection might include giving back or foot rubs, reading aloud to each other, taking a walk or bike ride together, or tucking little love notes in pockets or lunch containers (although not in the sandwich, please!).

The gift of time is a treasure.

Whether it’s time for a bubble bath, shopping, or running an errand, giving your partner some private moments goes a long way toward preserving healthy and loving relationships.

Teri Kennedy’s husband, Sam, points out that “you need to be able to recognize personal time vs. married time.” Everyone needs some time to recharge their batteries, to break from the routine, so private time is critical. He adds, “My wife hates it when I stay up all night playing on the Xbox. But that, for me, is a form of meditation and an enjoyable activity.”

Noonan relates that she and her husband “take turns putting the kids to bed so he can watch football or I can watch Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives.” (She quips, “I pretend to listen when he talks about football.”) Merkel believes in “sending the other out the door with a hug and a kiss on a weekend afternoon to play a round of golf with the guys or go shop with the girls while the other does childcare duty, saying ‘Have a great time because you deserve it!’”

As for that “married time,” Sam Kennedy likes mini-dates. “Not big fancy, blow-big-bucks kinds of dates, but where husband and wife are focused on enjoying activities together.” These can be as simple as visiting a coffee shop or browsing in a store. Having dates at home seems a popular pastime, too.

“The best we do on a regular basis is a Netflix movie and a glass of wine after 8 p.m. on the weekends,” Rudloff says. “Occasionally, we have a late fancy dinner after the kids go to bed.”

Merkel agrees: “Making a fire, turning on some music and drinking a glass of wine,” allows Kim and her husband to catch up on the day’s doings, or one might have a special dinner with candles waiting for the other after work.

A fireplace picnic offers a change of pace, too. Spread a blanket or tablecloth in front of the flickering flames and feast on gourmet delicacies - cheeses, pâtés, smoked oysters and such. The important thing is to break the everyday routine. You can add a puzzle, or an adult game for two … or just let things happen!

Special date nights out are easily arranged with a sitter - or Grandma. Noonan says, “We have a sitter every other weekend for a date night and go for sushi and a movie.”

“Having Grandma watch the kids for a night or two allows us a night on the town,” says Rudloff. The same goes for Deena Green, who adds, “We make sure we do date night every week if possible. We go to dinner and a movie every Sunday night. It has been a huge help to our marriage.”

Be creative and share your interests.

Think outside the chocolate box. There are many possibilities for adding new experiences to share. Green relates how her husband, Bill, and she have been reading a book together - Five Love Languages. “It has really helped us to focus on each other and figure out what helps people to feel loved,” she says. “Everyone wants to be loved differently. It has been the absolute best thing we have done.”

Sam Kennedy suggests “going to a book store together and browsing the section that covers hobbies,” as a way to inspire a relationship where partners can dialogue and share interests. “We have a hobby/business which we work on, discuss and brainstorm,” he adds.

Food enthusiasts might consider attending cooking classes together, then exploring some of the ethnic markets or restaurants in your area. Local recreation centers offer an array of classes in addition to the usual sport activities. Perhaps you both enjoy photography or dancing, or maybe there’s a poet living inside one of you.

“How do I know that my ‘marriage garden’ is surviving?” Sam Kennedy asks. “When I participate, it feels good.”

Joy Lawrance is a freelance writer specializing in family issues and travel.