I commented that some of her classmates (in the current class) is very matured looking and behaving so. Her teacher acknowledged such.  In fact, there are a few who speak and behave like adults.  At the back of my mind, I was thinking, I do not wish my 6 years old to be like that. In fact, I will be scared if my 6 years old is behaving like such. It means that I have to do an immediate self-check on mine and my husband behaviour to see if she has learnt it from us. I hope she behave according to her age. When she is a child, act like a child. It is alright to be childish. It is innocent to be childish. Adults who act foolishly cannot claim to be childish as they are adults. I rather she learnt naturally and progressively as a child and behave progressively so than to rush her to it.

Just the other day,  she pretended she is a pregnant lady.(this is because she saw a pregnant lady in the clinic and she longed for me to be pregnant with a sister or brother foe her) I told her that I prefer her to be a child. A child can have lots of playtime. A child can still holds and sleep with her “Smelly blanket”. Adults have fewer personal time and have more responsibility and it is not fun to be adults so fast. She smiled and said, “No worries mummy. I am pretending. I want to be your sweetie pie.Carry me please.” I pet her on her head and said, ” At least I still can carry you as a child. I cannot carry you when you are an adult.”

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We used to give children time to grow up. We dressed them differently from adults- boys in short pants and girls in fluffy dresses with natural haristyles.

We told them to act respectfully, to address their elders and to mind their manners when adults were around.

Becoming a grown-up was a big deal. Adults were considered to be stronger and wiser than children. Children has plenty of time to play and giggle and be themselves.

Nowadays, though, kids are presented on television as having more insight than their elders. They are  used as confidants and are rushed, ready or not, from the womb to nursery school to the adult world in a few short years.

But all this scurrying to matruity leaves a child without  a strong foundation upon which to build. It gives that individual a hazy self-concept.

It takes time to build a healthy human being. when you rush the process, your kids have to deal with sexual and peer pressures for which their yound minds are just not ready. Besides, what’s the big hurry, anyway ? Savour those childhood years and let the development march to its own internal drumbeat.

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Once on a family ski trip some years ago, I climbed on the back of a flatbed truck that shuttled skiers back up the mountains. Among the 12 or 14 young people there that day was a girl in her late teens. As she turned to look at me, I saw the unmistakable look of mental retardation in her eyes. She begun to mutterring nonsensicak phrases, especially the word “Whomever”.

Over and over, she repeated that word, “Whomever, whomever”while staring off into space. I noticed a visible rejection by the others on the truck. They were mostly young people and they looked at each other and sneered as if to say,, “Who’s the crazy person we have within us?’”

Just then, a large men moved in a little closer toward her, and I realised that he was her father. He wrapped his big, loving arms around her and he said,”Yeah, babe. Whomever.”

You see, he’d seen the same reaction of the others, and this was his way of saying, “It’s true. She’s retarded. We can’t hide that. She’ll never write books, or become a professional. But I want to tell you  all something: She’s my girl and I love her and I’m not ashamed of her.”

This simple affirmation spoke volumes about the worthy, not only of his daughter, but of evey human being on earth. It was a beautiful thing to behold.

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Most of us think we know our kids pretty well, but they do not always give clear clues about what ’s going on in their world.

When kids are bullied, it is embarassing for them and they may not want their parents to know about it, even though they need someone to confide in.

Ther are some signs we can watch out for. Some kids may develop irrational fears that they didn’t have before.

When it comes time for school, they may complain of vague physical ailments, such as headaches or stomach pains.

Other kids may develop nightmares, or have trouble sleeping.

Any behavious that seems out of the ordinary may mean your child is struggling with a bullt at school.

Of course,  it could also signal a more serious problem. Observant parents are quick to notice these changes and even quicker to step in and help.

Kids who are most reluctant to talk about their problems are usually the ones who need to talk about it most.

Source:  Dr Bill Maier

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Now as a mom, it’s time to make decision for my daughter’s education. Was it easy ?  I thought it was till I realised that decisions made have to be family consensus approved. In a very traditional Chinese family, the oldest and eldest of the family are most well- respected, my daughter being the only grand daughter of the line of family is the ” Attention of the family.” As like every proud grandparents and parents, we believe our child is smart and intelligent and wanted the so called best for her. In my heart, I know my daughter’s smartness and nature. The school that family wanted her to enroll is the top primary school in Singapore. In fact, her road-map for her easy enrollment into this school is mapped out by her wise paternal grandmum. (who passed away just 2 years ago). As for me, I just wanted her to be enrolled into a school that teaches the right moral values and share the same belief as our Christian faith, not one that is academically strong and socially and value wise will be in conflict with our belief.

Well, things not always worked out as it is planned. Why do I say so.

1/ We shifted our house so that we can be near to my husband’s family.  It was within 2 km from the school. Initially, it was planned that we stay in government housing apartment which is smaller but is  just 500 m away from the school. All for the priority phrase for admission. I would not willing to compromise on a spacious house for much smaller house just for the sake of  within 1 km rule. Now, we really enjoyed our stay in this new house.

2/ Enrollment into a Association hoping to have a chance to get priority into the 2nd phrase of enrollment

3/Our planned holiday falls right in the middle of the enrollment. Fortunately, her aunty can help to be a proxy for the submission of her enrollment form

More worries to come :  Stress did not stop here. Children who are not in phrase 1 will have to check if there are sufficient vacancies for the class. Worst scenario is balloting.

Most parents cried when they realised that their last chance of ballots did not get their child into the school. To top it up. some parents have to do 80- hours of voluntary work before they child can be qualified to enroll. Not guaranteed a seat. One of my ex-colleague did so. He became the school traffic warden for more than 80 hours in the afternoon sun but his efforts paid off. He gets his eldest to the top elite school in Singapore ( which one was it ? The one where most ministers sent their children and grandchildren too !)

As for me, I am doing what is necessary for her enrollment. Getting all her vaccine done with the certification proof (compulsory for all primary one), prepare her proxy letter to appoint her aunty to submit on our behalf. Go for our long awaited Japan holidays and just wait for the results. I believe that it is never that worst if she cannot get into the family choice of the so called elite school. ( Somewhere in my heart, I was hoping she will get to a school which she will enjoyed and will learn better; not one that pumping pressure into these little 7-12 years old heads and making them an academic genius but a social failure.)

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Toys as I defined in my dictionary are none technology gadgets. What does a child has nowadays as toys ? It is no  longer a toy but  electronic and technology gadgets such as Wii, Nintendo, Xbox, computers and notebooks, Smart phone.   Do I own anyone of them ?  Of course I do since I am working in this industry. However, I do not use this as subsitute to traditional toys.

Kitchen cooking sets, doctor and dentist kits for role play, little people figures and houses, dressing up dolls, Kites, Balls, knight fight sets, train sets, children 4 wheels bike are part of my 6 years old life. If you are one of them thinking, “Yuks, she should be going for tuition classes like piano,  maths, science, Chinese/Mandarin, arts etc to learn more at this stage in preparation for primary one. ” I agree too.  However, you cannot let a child just study and study and not even has any chance to have personal time to play. Playing is an important part of a child. Since baby, they learn through play. Play has to activate their right brain too, making them more creative and think out of the box.

I always enjoy watching my child play her toys. When she played, she also speaks and imitate conversations. Like playing dolls and dressing up. She will imagine she is the princess playing dressing up. When she plays cooking, she will imitate the cooking activities and fancy around and in the kitchen. She even imitate sounds of frying, kitchen timer, swizzling sound of the pressure cooker. It is joy and rare moments for me to watch her and observe how she play. (this is working mother’s woes). Traditional toys still are the best. Another of the joy and enjoyment in the family is to play board games together on weekend nights after dinner.

Of course, she has her own computer time and gadget time. It is usually during long trips or waiting time when all other carried along materials has been exhausted( no more reading, no more drawings, no more mini carried along board games and she is still wide awake wanting to be entertained)

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The instant a young person accuses us of being suspicious, of imaging the worst about him, we start back-pedaling.

“No dear, it’s not that I don’trust you being out with your friends or taking the car, it’s just that I….”, and then we run out of words; totally flustered.

Maybe it’s about time we got honest as parents, and recognise that trust is divisible. In other words, we can trust our children in some things, but not others. It’s not an all or nothing proposition.

We do this in the adult world with business all the time. Most of us are authorised, for example, to spend a certain amount of the company’s money in certain accounts, but not the whole corporate cheque book.

So let’s stop being taken in by our kids, and boldly state that trust comes in stages- someof it now, and more later on.

Parents have the task of risking only what we can reasonably expect to be handled safety. To do more is not really trust; it is foolhardly.

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During those days of adolescents turmoil along the river of life, parents often fear that the canoe in which their son or daughter is riding will capsize. Indeed, if the rapids don’t get them, they will surely drown when they plunge over the falls downstream.

Fortunately, however, the river does not usually descend into the falls. In time, it typically becomes smooth again, as the teen years give away to the early  twenties. These are exceptions, of course, but for most adolescents, the anger that seemed to consume them often goes away and a blessed normality takes its place.

Indeed, millions of  parents who could not  stand their teenagers later burst their buttons with pride at their accomplishments and good judgement.

So, rather than trying to fix everything that seems out of whack during adolescence, it might be better strategy to just get them through it and wait for the river to smooth out once more.

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Source: Dr  James Dobson

Whaty can we do to help children who are at greater risk of social ridicule cope ?

Well, so much depends on how we, as parents and teachers, relate to them and the respect that we show or fail to show in front of their peers.

This point was really driven home for me when I heard a psychologist named Dr Clyde Narramore talk about observing a Primary One class from the back of the room.

The teacher wanted to get across the relative meaning of the words large versus small. So, she selected two children and invited them to come to the front of the room.

Relunctant, they came and stook awkardly besides the teacher who then put her hand on the girl’s head and said,”Large. Sharon is large.”Sharon was indeed, the tallest girl in  her class and undoubtly, very sensitive about it.

Then the teacher said, “Small. David is small.”Poor little David, tiny  and fragile, was obviously humiliated. The last thing on earth anybody wants is to be the smallest and most powerless child in his class.

The teacher seemed oblivious to the pain that she has caused to David and Sahron. The first obligation is parents and teachers of vulnerable children is, by all means, to do no harm.

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Another suggestion for parents is that they teach their kids what I call a “no-knock”" policy.

One of the common characteristics of a person who feels inadequate is that he or she talks about it to anyone who will listen.

This self-criticism is not as uncommon as we might think. You may even be surprised by how often you tell your friends about your own faults and while you are  babbling about all your inadequacies, the listener is formultaing impressions of you.

After all, you are the expert on that subject. If you think you are a loser, then others are going to tend to see you that way.

You can help your child understand this simple principle. Teach him or her to accept blame and criticism when it is valid, but not to continually talk about embarrassing flaws and failures.

If your kids learn to respect themselves, others will tend to be more respectful, too.

It is called a “no- knock” policy.

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