Parenting Blessings

It was my daughter’s classmate birthday party. The whole class of 6 years old and their parents and teachers were invited. I had a chance to speak to her form teacher who as there with her 2 little 4 years and 2 years old boys. I was asking how is my daughter processing in her social manners and get along with her classmates. It was just 6 months that she had changed to this new preschool. She said she is doing very well and very sociable. In fact, she can mix well with the boys and girls. She loves to talk and even hug her best friends when they played together. I laughed and told her that since small, my daughter loves to hug and mix with her classmates. When we were living in Shanghai and she attended international playschool, her classmates were mixture of Germans, French, Japanese, Koreans, Singaporean, Indians and Swiss. The language was not a barrier to them, it is the touches and the unspoken gestures that bond most of these kids together. 

I commented that some of her classmates (in the current class) is very matured looking and behaving so. Her teacher acknowledged such.  In fact, there are a few who speak and behave like adults.  At the back of my mind, I was thinking, I do not wish my 6 years old to be like that. In fact, I will be scared if my 6 years old is behaving like such. It means that I have to do an immediate self-check on mine and my husband behaviour to see if she has learnt it from us. I hope she behave according to her age. When she is a child, act like a child. It is alright to be childish. It is innocent to be childish. Adults who act foolishly cannot claim to be childish as they are adults. I rather she learnt naturally and progressively as a child and behave progressively so than to rush her to it.

Just the other day,  she pretended she is a pregnant lady.(this is because she saw a pregnant lady in the clinic and she longed for me to be pregnant with a sister or brother foe her) I told her that I prefer her to be a child. A child can have lots of playtime. A child can still holds and sleep with her “Smelly blanket”. Adults have fewer personal time and have more responsibility and it is not fun to be adults so fast. She smiled and said, “No worries mummy. I am pretending. I want to be your sweetie pie.Carry me please.” I pet her on her head and said, ” At least I still can carry you as a child. I cannot carry you when you are an adult.”

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Applying makeup to four-year-olds and giving them adult-looking dolls at five, letting them date at 12 and virtually emancipating them at 16… Is this the best preparation for adulthood ?  I think not.

We used to give children time to grow up. We dressed them differently from adults- boys in short pants and girls in fluffy dresses with natural haristyles.

We told them to act respectfully, to address their elders and to mind their manners when adults were around.

Becoming a grown-up was a big deal. Adults were considered to be stronger and wiser than children. Children has plenty of time to play and giggle and be themselves.

Nowadays, though, kids are presented on television as having more insight than their elders. They are  used as confidants and are rushed, ready or not, from the womb to nursery school to the adult world in a few short years.

But all this scurrying to matruity leaves a child without  a strong foundation upon which to build. It gives that individual a hazy self-concept.

It takes time to build a healthy human being. when you rush the process, your kids have to deal with sexual and peer pressures for which their yound minds are just not ready. Besides, what’s the big hurry, anyway ? Savour those childhood years and let the development march to its own internal drumbeat.

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Source: Dr James Dobson

Once on a family ski trip some years ago, I climbed on the back of a flatbed truck that shuttled skiers back up the mountains. Among the 12 or 14 young people there that day was a girl in her late teens. As she turned to look at me, I saw the unmistakable look of mental retardation in her eyes. She begun to mutterring nonsensicak phrases, especially the word “Whomever”.

Over and over, she repeated that word, “Whomever, whomever”while staring off into space. I noticed a visible rejection by the others on the truck. They were mostly young people and they looked at each other and sneered as if to say,, “Who’s the crazy person we have within us?’”

Just then, a large men moved in a little closer toward her, and I realised that he was her father. He wrapped his big, loving arms around her and he said,”Yeah, babe. Whomever.”

You see, he’d seen the same reaction of the others, and this was his way of saying, “It’s true. She’s retarded. We can’t hide that. She’ll never write books, or become a professional. But I want to tell you  all something: She’s my girl and I love her and I’m not ashamed of her.”

This simple affirmation spoke volumes about the worthy, not only of his daughter, but of evey human being on earth. It was a beautiful thing to behold.

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Would you know if your child was being bullied in school ?

Most of us think we know our kids pretty well, but they do not always give clear clues about what ’s going on in their world.

When kids are bullied, it is embarassing for them and they may not want their parents to know about it, even though they need someone to confide in.

Ther are some signs we can watch out for. Some kids may develop irrational fears that they didn’t have before.

When it comes time for school, they may complain of vague physical ailments, such as headaches or stomach pains.

Other kids may develop nightmares, or have trouble sleeping.

Any behavious that seems out of the ordinary may mean your child is struggling with a bullt at school.

Of course,  it could also signal a more serious problem. Observant parents are quick to notice these changes and even quicker to step in and help.

Kids who are most reluctant to talk about their problems are usually the ones who need to talk about it most.

Source:  Dr Bill Maier

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It is the time of the year that Singapore Ministry of Education officially announced next year Primary One registration period starts next week. It is the time when parents are making major decisions for their children’s early education. Some made wise decisions, some made wrong decisions. Some made decisions on what they expect their children to perform and not what the children’s capabilities and interests are. Maybe it is the type of education molding that Singapore government has implemented some 20 years back that cause parents to overlook what the children’s capabilities and put them way above their capabilities. To excel and do beyond to be Number 1 or top 5 % elite in academic is what our government thinks is the best for its citizen and next generation. Very naturally if the parents are brought up in such education system, they expect their children to do the same too. Am I one of them ? I think I am becoming an exceptional one. I was once part of the top 10 % elite ( not qualified for Gifted Class but for SAP schools ) Boy, I suffer so much pressure that even the thoughts of going through that period of my secondary school sent shivers down my spine. Rarely, I still have nightmares about completing my school works and projects and even remembered being reprimanded as of one of the bottom few who did not make it to the so called Elite Junior Colleague.

Now as a mom, it’s time to make decision for my daughter’s education. Was it easy ?  I thought it was till I realised that decisions made have to be family consensus approved. In a very traditional Chinese family, the oldest and eldest of the family are most well- respected, my daughter being the only grand daughter of the line of family is the ” Attention of the family.” As like every proud grandparents and parents, we believe our child is smart and intelligent and wanted the so called best for her. In my heart, I know my daughter’s smartness and nature. The school that family wanted her to enroll is the top primary school in Singapore. In fact, her road-map for her easy enrollment into this school is mapped out by her wise paternal grandmum. (who passed away just 2 years ago). As for me, I just wanted her to be enrolled into a school that teaches the right moral values and share the same belief as our Christian faith, not one that is academically strong and socially and value wise will be in conflict with our belief.

Well, things not always worked out as it is planned. Why do I say so.

1/ We shifted our house so that we can be near to my husband’s family.  It was within 2 km from the school. Initially, it was planned that we stay in government housing apartment which is smaller but is  just 500 m away from the school. All for the priority phrase for admission. I would not willing to compromise on a spacious house for much smaller house just for the sake of  within 1 km rule. Now, we really enjoyed our stay in this new house.

2/ Enrollment into a Association hoping to have a chance to get priority into the 2nd phrase of enrollment

3/Our planned holiday falls right in the middle of the enrollment. Fortunately, her aunty can help to be a proxy for the submission of her enrollment form

More worries to come :  Stress did not stop here. Children who are not in phrase 1 will have to check if there are sufficient vacancies for the class. Worst scenario is balloting.

Most parents cried when they realised that their last chance of ballots did not get their child into the school. To top it up. some parents have to do 80- hours of voluntary work before they child can be qualified to enroll. Not guaranteed a seat. One of my ex-colleague did so. He became the school traffic warden for more than 80 hours in the afternoon sun but his efforts paid off. He gets his eldest to the top elite school in Singapore ( which one was it ? The one where most ministers sent their children and grandchildren too !)

As for me, I am doing what is necessary for her enrollment. Getting all her vaccine done with the certification proof (compulsory for all primary one), prepare her proxy letter to appoint her aunty to submit on our behalf. Go for our long awaited Japan holidays and just wait for the results. I believe that it is never that worst if she cannot get into the family choice of the so called elite school. ( Somewhere in my heart, I was hoping she will get to a school which she will enjoyed and will learn better; not one that pumping pressure into these little 7-12 years old heads and making them an academic genius but a social failure.)

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